Girls Gone Mild: Duck Beach Mormon Style

This weekend hundreds of Mormon young single adults will be flocking to Duck Beach, North Carolina for spring break. This annual get away is seemingly a chance for LDS singles to find their eternal companions. We had never even heard of it until we read this article by McKay Coppins at the Daily Beast. Coppins calls it "...the most bizarre spring break on the planet," because there is no sex or alcohol.

Apparently the unwed LDS are feeling extra pressure this year because of President Monson's words on marriage at this past April's General Conference. What has this obscure Mormon spring break making headlines this year is that there is a documentary being filmed called Duck Beach A Single Mormon Story. The filmmakers are planning on capturing the mystery of a weekend "fraught with sexual tension." 

We sistas would like to give our peeps headed to NC this weekend some tips on how to stay SAFE & CHASTE.

1) Remember. Remember that there will be a camera crew there filming a documentary. Remember that people will be taking pictures and posting it on Facebook. Remember to not do anything that you wouldn't want us to find on YouTube and post on our blog, because yes, we are like that, we will post it.

2) Practice safe text. Those flirty text messages can get you all hot and bothered and into a whole heap of trouble. Here's what you do. Click on the contact button at the top of our site and send us an email with "Safe Text" in the subject line. We'll send you a phone number, where you can cc us on every text you send this weekend. Knowing that we will see everyone of your texts and post them on our Facebook wall in a hot second, should keep your texts clean and pure.

3) Chasity belt. Wear a fanny pack and keep your scriptures in them. Seriously, it's harder to be unchaste when you have to get through Second Nephi first.

4) No cohabitation. Remember when you were little and you had that sign on your bedroom door or your tree house that said "NO GIRLS/BOYS ALLOWED" bring it with you.

5) Eternal perspective. Remember you are there to find an eternal companion not eternal damnation.

6) Modest is the hottest. Keep your clothes on.

7) Have fun. The I'm going to Disney land kind of fun, not the I'm auditioning for MTV's Jersey Shore type of fun.

Got any other tips to keep our Duck Beach brothers and sisters SAFE & CHASTE?

Remember who you are,

Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

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Primary the Mormon TMZ

We have both had callings in Primary (LDS Children's Sunday school.) Every church calling allows you the opportunity to learn and grow. Here's a lesson we've learned through serving in Primary. If you are walking down the hall on a fine Sunday morning and somebody deliberately trips you causing you to fall on your face and break your nose. If you look up and the person that tripped you is your child's Primary teacher, just get up and keep walking. Don't even look em in the eye, you might even want to apologize to them.

Look, here's the thing...even if you are known in your ward as the Grinch who stole Sunday, have some sense and at least be nice to your ward's Primary leaders and teachers. You may think you know why we are offering this crucial piece of advice. It's not because they are the poor souls who take your kids off your hands for two hours on a Sunday. It's not because they are the ones entrusted with your most prized possessions each week. It's not even because Jesus said love everyone, treat them kindly too, when your heart is filled with love, others will love you.

The bottom line is this, be nice to the adults who serve in Primary because: THEY KNOW ALL YOUR BUSINESS! Yup, brothas and sistas, that's it. All of the information that you don't want to leave the house and all of the stuff that is supposed to stay in the family, forget about it, cause ya kids are spilling the beans in Primary. You may be thinking to yourself, not my children, my children are well trained, they know better than that. Nope, they don't.

You see it's not intentional, and it usually happens quite innocently. A poor unsuspecting Primary teacher could ask a question as simple as: Can anyone tell me of a time when you have prayed and received an answer to your prayer? The next thing you know your son raises his hand and says: Once my Dad forgot his and my Mom's anniversary and my Mom was really mad and was slamming all the doors in the house. The teacher at this point might try to keep the child on topic and say: So you prayed that your Mommy would feel better and she did. Then your son says: Nope. Then the teacher says: You prayed that your Dad wouldn't forget their anniversary next year. And your son says: No, I prayed that she wouldn't slam the doors anymore because it was making my ears hurt. And it worked because she went outside and ran over Dad's golf clubs instead, and that didn't hurt my ears.

A leader might ask, what did you do this past week? BAM! That's all the invitation your little bedlamite needs to explain how Daddy grounded her older brother for life because Mommy and Daddy had to go get him from the jail, and Mommy says he's irr-ray-possible and can't drive the car anymore.

TMZ, The National Enquirer, Google, they can all take a back seat, they can't get the scoop like these Primary reporters children can. Channel 8 news is probably lying when they say breaking news, we're bringing it to you first, cause chances are somebody in Primary told that headline weeks ago.

So now we are all on notice. The next time you see your ward's Primary presidency and teachers, smile, say hi, shake their hand, give em a peice of chocolate, some hush money, do something, cause brothas and sistas...THEY KNOW ALL YOUR BUSINESS!

Jesus is the reason,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

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Another Mormon Musical

You've most likely heard of the Broadway musical, The Book of Mormon, which raked in 14 Tony Award nominations. We haven't seen it, so we can't critique, but word on the streets is that Mormon or not, you either love it or hate it.

Mormons are sizzling HOT right now! (If you're Mormon and you know it clap your hands...but be careful you might burn yourself.) Barrington Stage Company is getting ready to present Mormons, Mothers and Monsters. That's right folks, its another musical comedy with Mormon in the title.

Popularity is a short ride. Like our good friend Heidi Klum says: "One day your in, the next day your out...Auf Wiedersehen." Who knows when Mormons will be back in style again, so we are thinking of producing a Mormon musical. Why shouldn't Latter-day Saints get in on the Mormon Broadway action? Here are a few ideas we've tossed around. We'd love your thoughts on our play concepts and of course any new ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Twin sisters fall in love with the same RM. Ultimatley, because Mormons do not practice poligamy, the young man is forced to choose. The jilted sister becomes green with envy (literally!) and resorts to various wicked deeds in hopes of keeping the happy couple from reaching their Temple wedding date. Is there a happily ever after in this Mormon fairytale?



Mary is an over zealous visiting teacher who can't keep a companion for the life of her. Further, she refuses to set appointments with the sisters she teaches and insits on surprise pop ins. This play is filled with delightful songs such as; Just a Spoon Full of Sugar Helps the Lesson Go Down, Mary Go Fly a Kite and SuperMormonFragalisticPleaseDontDressAtrocious.

Brother von Trapp a Mormon widower with a lot of kids, grabs a container of cherrios and takes his family to listen to  Music and the Spoken Word one Sunday morning. Amongst the hundreds of singers in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir one voice stands out to him...Maria's. Maria is a lovely sister who loves nature and is always running through the hills, causing her to be late to choir practice. The other members of the choir decide that the only way to solve a problem like Maria, is to get her married, and Brother von Trapp seems to be just the right man. Guest appearance by Lloyd Newell.

If you don't know this storyline, check it out here. The idea would be to somehow make each diary entry rhyme, and then set them to music.

See you at the Tonys!

Peace and Happiness,

Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

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Caption This!

We found this over at AkwardFamilyPhotos.com and we bet our bottom dollar they are Mormon. Ok peeps, caption this photo.

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Have I done any Good In His/Her World Today?

What did I do to help shape his/her world today? This is a question mothers and mother-figures often ask themselves. The discussion of motherhood seems to arouse strong emotions in us. We all come to the discussion with our own personal experience, yet one thing that we can all agree on is the relationship (or lack thereof) between a mother and a child is a vital part of helping to shape us. And how we see ourselves in the world.

The relationship with our mother often establishes a pattern of future relationships.Which is why many of us will sit in church today silently battling the internal conflict of the “Good” mother. As Sista LaKeysha (a safe name for us because there isn’t a LaKeysha in our wards...currently) stands up today and shares how wonderful her mother was. You’ve heard it before:

“I’m so grateful for my wonderful mother and the example she was to me growing up. Everyday when my 12 brothers and sisters and I came home from school, my mother had fresh baked cookies for us with a cup of freshly squeezed milk from our family cow Daisy. She got her Ph.D. from BYU in Early Childhood Education with a minor in Psychology, just so she could be of aide to her children when we needed her. I don’t know what I would have done without the love and support of my wonderful mother…"

C'mon Sistas, sit up a little higher in those seats. Please stop beating yourselves up because you weren’t like Sista LaKeysha’s mother. The person we make our mothers out to be in our adult minds are often very different from the mother we had as young children, and that person is different from the mother we had in our pre-teen and teen years. The point is, we should no more beat ourselves up over Sista LaKeysha’s experience than we should over Sista Becky’s. Whose story we may have heard as well:

“Hello, I’m Becky and I honestly don’t know why the Bishop asked me to speak today. Ummm, and I really don’t know why he asked me to speak right after Sista LaKeysha, because our lives couldn’t have been more different. Ummm, I really struggle with Mother's Day. I didn’t have the best mom growing up. My mother was emotionally and physically abusive. She had some addictions and we often went without because of her issues. She often left my two brothers and I in adverse situations that were beyond our control. If it weren’t for the mercy of strangers our lives may have turned out completely different. My number one goal was to be completely different then she was, and I am…!"

Okay, that was a bit dramatic. However, just as you shouldn’t celebrate not being like Sista Becky’s mother, you shouldn’t beat yourself up for not being like Sista LaKeysha’s mother. As we start down the rocky path of motherhood most of us have no idea what is going to be asked of us in the process of parenting another one of God’s children. Even when we start that journey with the best of intentions, the entire process holds countless surprises. Some women can’t wait to be mothers and then realize too late they probably should have waited. Some women wait then realize they could have started earlier (we don’t know that person, but one of you might). The reality is being a mother offers up multiple opportunities for helping or hindering our children toward adulthood.

As mothers we have many truths (not really, but we believe them to be true). When children behave inappropriately (in public), it’s the mother’s fault. When children are well behaved, it’s because they were brought up “right”. Because of the widespread tendency within our culture to blame the mother, it's common for those of us who have braved the rapid waves of mothering to live with haunting questions about what we did or did not do in shaping our children's lives. "Mother's guilt" is a common ailment, especially among LDS Women. Whether you have mild, infrequent discomfort or full anxiety attacks, very few women (even those who don’t have children) escape “Mother's guilt.”

The truth is, motherhood (womanhood) is difficult. For some, the demands of both are met with ease; for others, the demands are simply too much. We are the bridge between generations. It is wise for us to try to remember and be merciful towards those who have and still stumble as they continue trying to establish a foundation on motherhood. Also, we should celebrate with our sistas who seemingly have it figured out as they soar beyond the limitations we may have set for ourselves.

Today it is wise to remember the women who have influenced our lives with some justice (Lest we deceive ourselves, setting standards that would make even Mary the mother of Jesus feel inadequate), but mostly mercy. Because we are all simply doing the best we can with what we've been given. As our MoDea (Mormon Madea) says “When you know better, you do better.” Here is to wishing us all better days ahead.

Happy Mothers Day,
Sista Beehive and Sista Laurel

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