Mormon Martini

Being the Mormon-potluck-culinary-experts that we are, we wanted to share with you a recipe that we have painstakenly honed to perfection. It's FHE friendly, under-aged drinkers welcome and won't put your temple recommend in jeopardy!

Cheers! Sista Laurel & Sista Beehive

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Don't Pray About the Book of Mormon

*update: turns out the sign is a prank made in an online church sign generator. Still gave us a chuckle though.

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If Mr. T were a Mormon...

I pity the fool...who doesn't "Choose The Right!"

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Tell Me the Stories

Amanda & Samuel D. Chambers/Black Mormon Pioneers

July 24th is Pioneer Day, an official holiday in the State of Utah. The holiday celebrates those who emigrated to the Salt Lake Valley during the pioneer era. Today some Latter-day Saints will celebrate our pioneer heritage by telling stories of remembrance of our own pioneer ancestors or of pioneers whose stories have made an impact on us.

Outside of Utah, we too learn the stories of Mormon pioneers. Their stories are used in church lessons and talks as examples of faith, perseverance, service and so on.

Sometimes church members who are not of pioneer descent, or are new converts can feel intimidated and in awe of those members who have a rich pioneer history and are able to feel connected to the early saints. We all want to feel a connection to the history of our faith. It isn't always possible, but sometimes we are given that opportunity.

When we Sistas were growing up we often wondered were there any people who looked like us, saints of African descent, among the pioneers. We each learned of black pioneers at different times, and different life experiences brought us to the knowledge of these members. We don't share the stories of black Mormon pioneers because they are black and we are black, but because for us it was joyous to find diversity in the gospel, even in the early history of the church. Every member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has a story and in every story there is value. We try to share stories that maybe you haven't heard before.

Samuel and Amanda Chambers

In 1844 LDS missionaries were having a hard time having their message received, but Samuel Davidson Chambers, a 13 year old slave was touched by what he heard. Samuel was born on May 21, 1831 in Alabama. After hearing and believing the missionaries message, without the permission of his master, he snuck away from the plantation at night and was baptized a member of the LDS faith.

After baptism Samuel was not able to interact with his religion for 21 years, but he remained faithful and steadfast. Brother Chambers stated that he had "known the gospel to be true ever since I was confirmed," that he "greatly longed" to be with the other Saints in Utah, but because he was a slave he "could never see how it would be brought about." After the civil war, Samuel and his family were freed from slavery and they began to save money to be able to join the LDS saints in Utah. In 1870 Samuel, his wife Amanda Leggroan Chambers, and his son Peter began the journey west. They traveled with Amanda's brother Edward Leggroan, his wife and their three children. Their party arrived in Salt Lake City on April 27, 1870. Chambers said, "I did not come to Utah to know the truth of the gospel, but I received it way back where the gospel found me."

In Utah the Chambers family cultivated 30 acres of land. Their property had two brick homes, Amanda and Samuel lived in one, Peter Chambers and his family lived in the other. Their farm did very well and Samuel, Peter and even sometimes Amanda would deliver goods by wagon. The Chambers were faithful in paying their tithing and contributed to the temple fund even though they were unable to partake of the temple blessings. (We have asked ourselves if we would have had the faith necessary to contribute to the building of a temple that we could not enter.)

Brother Chambers was known for bearing powerful testimony of the gospel and was a defender of his faith. He loved sharing his faith and giving copies of the Book of Mormon. Even though Samuel held no priesthood office the Chambers were very active in the church. The Chambers were well liked and in 1924 Amanda and Samuel celebrated their 66th wedding anniversary and had quite the turn out. Samuel died four years after Amanda on November 9, 1929. They died as faithful members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and until the end they were as Samuel stated in his testimony, "active in doing what he could for the building up of the kingdom of God."

Until we meet again,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

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Getting to Know the Sistas

We know it seems like we talk ALOT, and we do, but we actually are two pretty private gals.

Here's an opportunity to learn a little more about us personally.

We had a wonderful time participating in The Mormon Women Project. Check out our interview here.

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How Would You Introduce Jesus?

Reading Sista Laurel's post "The First Fish Fry" made me think of this video. Comedian Steve Harvey, was invited to provide some comic relief a few years ago at MegaFest (A Christian conference.) At the end of his comedy routine he bears his testimony and thanks God and his Savior for all of his success. He says that throughout his career he has been blessed to have had the opportunity to introduce some of the biggest names in show business, and then tells how, if given the chance, he would introduce Jesus.



This has changed the way I look at testimony meeting. What about ya'll Brothas and Sistas? If given the chance to introduce Jesus, how would you introduce him? Fast and Testimony meeting is fast approaching will you be introducing him this month or next?

God Is Love,
Sista Beehive

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The First Fish Fry

When I was younger we often attended our Sunday services at the LDS church and then went to church with my Granny, who was a member of a Baptist church. Although it made for a very long Sunday, I enjoyed attending church with my Granny. Even though she was not Mormon, Granny was always at our church because she attended whenever we asked her to. If there was a Primary program she was there, if there was a baptism she was there, ward activity there, pretty much if we sneezed and we wanted her at church with us, she was there.

Of course Granny loved us, but I think much of her willingness to attend church with us was because my parents allowed her grandchildren to attend church with her also. My Granny is no longer with us and I cannot express how grateful I am for those extra long Sundays, they are precious memories that I cherish, memories centered on Christ.

There were special Sundays at Granny's church where they had a dinner after the service. A fish fry! (A cookout or other meal at which fried fish is the main course.) On those Sundays we could clap our hands, stomp our feet, praise the Lord, and then get something to eat! On that Sunday you had better get there early if you wanted a seat, the Lord had a packed house that day. I would look around the chapel at all the people stuffed in the pews and think, "I hope the church ladies cooked enough, because I sure am hungry."

The choir was always good at Granny's church, but on fish fry Sunday, they were exceptional. The Preacher was of course a little long winded. He probably figured he needed to hit the Lord's message home for those in the congregation that wouldn't be coming back until next year's fish fry. As soon as the preacher said Amen, everyone would make a mad dash for outside. I would stand there in line with my plate thinking "Oh, I hope I make it up there before all of Granny's greens are gone."

When I finally reached the table, spread with a variety of wonderful foods, a church lady named something like Miss Mildred would take my plate and begin to serve me. Then I would have to tell her, "Miss Mildred, could I have the greens from that pot over there?" And she'd say, "They're all the same, greens are greens." And of course she knew that was lie, because we all knew about the pot of greens from the really nice church lady who couldn't cook, but always wanted to provide something. They kept it in the kitchen and everyone prayed that we didn't run out of greens and have to bring her pot out.

"Please," I'd say, "My Granny made the ones in that pot." She'd act like she was miffed about it, but then she'd give me a scoop of them. "Just a little more please, Miss Mildred," I'd say, after I saw how tiny the scoop was. "Look here, we've got a lot of people to serve," she'd tell me. Then somebody would pass by, maybe the Preacher, and he'd say, "Come on now Sister Mildred, if Jesus could feed 5000 with 5 loaves and 2 fish, then I'm sure we'll be all right...give the baby a little more greens." Then Miss Mildred would smile at the Preacher, and give me a good size helping. After the Preacher had left she would look at me and say, "Alright now, you got plenty of greens, I better not see you up here asking for seconds."

I'd take my plateful of food to the table my family was sitting at, and look around. Everyone was happy and smiling and everyone was fed, all those people and everyone got a plate. Then I would wonder if that was what it was like when Jesus feed the 5000. Maybe Jesus looked around and everyone was happy and smiling and well fed. As I would take a bite of that delicious, golden, crispy fish, and it melted in my mouth, I'd imagine that as good as this fish tasted, Jesus' must of been even more divine. Boy, I would have loved to have been at Jesus' fish fry!

Now that My Granny's gone, I don't see many fish fry Sundays, but I'm still well fed. You see, when you feast on the Savior's word, you are always full. Everyone can partake; there is plenty to go around at the Lord's table. It was an absolute miracle when Jesus fed 5000 with just 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, and if we let him, he can feed us all too, the entire world. That's billions of people, oh what a fish fry that would be!

Peace and blessings,

Sista Laurel

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Zion's Home & Visiting Teaching Service

ZION'S HOME & VISITING TEACHING SERVICE: "We care when you don't have time to."

Home/visiting teaching getting you down? Can't get that annoying priesthood leader/Relief Society sister off your back? Home/visiting teaching interfering with your TV, golf or me time? We can help! At Zion's Home & Visiting Teaching Service we'll do your home/visiting teaching for you. For a small monetary fee we will send one of our trained representatives to the homes of your families.

Basic Visit. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $10

Basic Visit plus Spiritual Message . . . . . . . $15

Birthday and anniversary cards in addition to the Basic Visit and Spiritual Message. . . . . $20

Is $20 too much to pay for peace of mind? Call us at 1-800-752-2537. That's 1-800-Slacker.

PLEASE NOTE: Because of heavy volume, an extra $15 will be added for the last day of the month.

Check Out Our New Services!

Meetings: We will send a representative to the appropriate meeting to take notes for you and report back.

Ward Council Meeting: $30

Ward Council Meeting w/ written report: $50

Presidency Meetings: $20

PEC: $25

Sacrament Meeting: $20

Sunday School: $20

Priesthood: $20

3-hour Sunday Block (best value): $50

PLEASE NOTE: Surcharge of 10% for stake meetings. Call us at 1-800-752-2537. That's 1-800-Slacker.

Talks and Lessons: Did a bishopric member call and assign you a talk? Tired of wasting Saturday night preparing a lesson? Well, free up your time and just read one of our professionally prepared talks and lessons. No need to spend countless hours pouring through books, writing and praying. We'll do it for you!

Basic Talk (any subject assigned): $20

Scripture Talk (basic + 5 scriptures): $30

Deluxe Talk (scripture + 1 poem + 2 G.A. quotes): $40

All talks are guaranteed to last 15 minutes. Add $1 for each additional minute.

Basic Lesson (40 minutes): $25

Deluxe (Basic + visual aides): $35

Super Deluxe (Deluxe + Handouts): $45

*Due to high expectations, centerpieces and floral arrangements, Relief Society lessons are slightly higher. Call for quote.

* Due to lower expectations, priesthood lessons receive a 10% discount.

Call us at 1-800-752-2537. That's 1-800-Slacker.

Casserole Service: If you just can't possibly throw together food for various Ward occasions, WE CAN! Our basic services include:

a.. Funeral Potatoes

b.. Green Bean/Mushroom Soup with Crunchy Onions

c.. Green Jell-O with Carrots

d.. Spinach Dip in a Bread Bowl

e.. CheezWiz/Tater Tot Surprise

For only $15 (plus deposit) each delivered to your house with Corningware marked with your name! They'll never know you didn't make 'em! Remember our number: 1-800-S-L-A-C-K-E-R

Introducing our Bundle Buys and Frequent Shopper Plan: Bundle any 3 services and receive a 20% discount. Receive one free Basic talk or lesson with any 10 purchases.

There you have it! We take all the work off of your shoulders and put ours to the wheel just for you. We're not doing the work for you, we are doing you a service, and after all isn't service what it's all about. A good person serves others, and an even better person lets others serve them. Let Zion's Home & Visiting Teaching Service serve you!

Count your blessings,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

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Mormon Nudists

Before we heard about this KUTV news story on Mormon nudists we had no idea that such a community existed. Of course the idea of Mormon nudists piqued our interest, not because we are tempted to try it, but because of how contrary the concept seems with the modesty teachings of the LDS faith.


Since we don't personally know anyone who is a Mormon nudist/naturist, we decided to check out LDS Skinny-Dipper Connection, a website dedicated to "...faithful members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints throughout the world who have a wholesome interest in social nudity under appropriate circumstances." There are no pictures on the website. While the site contains a lot of information about how these Mormon members reconcile teachings of the LDS faith with their desire to be nude, we were still unable to find answers to our most pressing questions about Mormon nudism.

~ A common tip for those who might be nervous about public speaking is for them to picture their audience naked. When giving a talk, if everyone is already naked, then what do you picture?

~ If you are home teaching or visiting teaching a reluctant family or sister, does showing up naked make them more or less likely to let you in to share the message that month?

~ When out and about and naked, where are our keys supposed to go?

~ When playing nude sports...there are just so many questions here we can't even wrap our brains around it?

~ Does getting naked make the stretch marks go away?

~ Since your clothes are already off, do you put your clothes on to let your spouse know you would like some alone time with them?

~ Sunburns, bug bites, splinters, frost bite, sports injuries, poison ivy, these all seem so deadly when naked?

Look, we don't foresee the LDS church coming out with a list of "appropriate circumstances" where "social nudity" is okay any time soon...or ever. To each their own, God be with you naked Saints, but we Sistas plan on keeping our clothes on.

Modest is the hottest,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

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You Might Be a Mormon If...

Finish this sentence! We know you've got some good ones.

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Elijah Abel: Black Mormon Pioneer

Elijah Abel, Black Mormon Pioneer

Today marks the 33rd anniversary of the restoration of the priesthood to members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, of African decent. On June 8, 1978 LDS church leaders announced that the priesthood would be extended to Mormon men of every race. Those who were there for that remarkable day have said that they can remember exactly where they were and what they were doing when they heard the news.


While many of us have heard the stories of how the world and members of the church felt on this day, few may know the story of Elijah Abel. Elder Abel was was the first black Elder and Seventy in the LDS church and one of the few black members in the early history of  the church to receive the priesthood.

He was born a slave on July 25, 1808, in Maryland, and it is believed that he escaped slavery into Canada by using the underground railroad. Elijah Abel was baptized in September of 1832 by Ezekiel Roberts. He was ordained an Elder on March 3, 1836 in Kirtland, Ohio by Joseph Smith, and in 1839 he was made a member of the Nauvoo Seventies Quorum.

In 1847 Elijah Abel married Mary Ann Adams, another African-American. Their first son Moroni Abel was born in 1849, and their son Enoch and grandson Elijah, held the priesthood. Enoch Abel, was ordained an Elder on November 27, 1900 and Enoch's son, Elijah, was ordained a Priest on July 5, 1934, and an Elder on September 29, 1935.

Elijah Abel served LDS church missions in New York, Ohio and Canada. He worked as a carpenter for the building of three LDS Temples, Kirtland, Nauvoo and Salt Lake. In 1853 Elijah Abel and his family journeyed to Utah with other Latter-day Saints. He and Mary Ann managed the Farnham Hotel in Utah.

Elijah Abel served his last mission for the LDS church in 1884, returned home and died on Christmas day, December 25, 1884. In 2002 a monument was erected in Salt Lake City at Elijah Abel's grave site to memorialize him and his family. The monument was dedicated by LDS church leader Elder M. Russell Ballard. His obituary in the Deseret News, said Elijah Abel "died in full faith of the Gospel."

It has strengthened our testimonies to learn the the history of the pioneers of our faith, especially those of African decent. On this day there are many stories to be shared, and this is the one that has touched us today. What do you remember about that day, or why is that day significant to you?

Oh Happy Day,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

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No, Thank You! I'm Mormon

1958 "Be Honest With Yourself" LDS advertisement.

As Sistas in Zion scenario: Dick and Jane are guests at a dinner party at the home of Bob and Betty. Betty has prepared a lovely tray of cocktails which Bob is graciously offering to his guests. Dick and Jane are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,and Bob is unaware that Dick and Jane do not drink alcohol.


Being a gentleman, (ladies first!) Bob offers Jane a drink. Before Jane can even respond Dick yells, "No! We do not drink alcohol. We are Mormons and we believe in the Word of Wisdom." Dick then knocks the drink out of Bob's hand spilling red wine on the new tie which Bob's children lovingly handpicked from the Sears Roebuck Catalogue, and gave to him for Father's Day.

Betty, the ever prepared hostess, retrieves a bottle of club soda to offer as a drink to her sober dinner guests and use on the spilled red wine before any stains set. Bob tells Dick "not to worry" and that "Betty is a whiz at getting stains out." Bob apologizes to Dick and Jane for being unaware of Mormon customs and assures them that any offense was unintentional. Bob and Betty excuse themselves so that they can get Bob out of his soiled shirt and into a freshly pressed one, which Betty wisely had on hand in case of instances such as these.

While Bob and Betty are away Jane gives Dick a stern look. Dick tells Jane that he is "uncomfortable staying at a dinner party where "strong drink" is being served." When Bob and Betty return, Dick and Jane make a polite excuse and swiftly leave the dinner party. Bob and Betty discuss how they "never took Dick and Jane for such strange people," and decide that it must be their being Mormon that makes them so peculiar. Betty regrets inviting them over for dinner and hopes to heaven she can get the wine out of Bob's tie, because the children would be so disappointed.

Have you ever been with an LDS friend in a social setting and they act so awkwardly in a situation in which a simple "no, thank you" would be enough? You're at a restaurant and they hand you the wine list and this friend has to go into a long explanation about why you don't need it.  Someone asks if you have a lighter and instead of just saying no, there's a weird stutter filled answer, or they are always complaining because there's a coffee pot in the break room. Do you ever find yourself in the situation of apologizing for the social awkwardness of Mormon friends, or are you the person that finds it difficult to navigate these social scenes?

In the 1950s the LDS church launched an advertisement campaign entitled "Be Honest With Yourself." Although the ad may be dated we think the following advice is still quite relevant:

"No, Thank You!

How should you answer the person who invites you to “take a cigarette” or “have a drink” – or do anything which is against your conscience or contrary to the teachings of your Heavenly Father?

What should you say? How much do you need to explain or apologize? When, if ever, should you compromise just a little for the sake of appearances?

The answer is easy. Just say “No – no, thank you.” Don’t waver. Don’t worry about how others may think or act. Be your own natural, honest self. Everyone admires sincerity.

If the invitation to indulge in something you don’t believe in comes from a host or hostess while you are a guest, your answer will come even easier. The obligation of courtesy is not that of the guest but of the host.

The gracious host will never press you, never question your right to be yourself in matters of conscience. He will admire you for your forthright stand.

It’s natural to want to be liked by the crowd. But compromising with principles is always wrong, often dangerous.

What is right? What is wrong? Fortunately, there are ways for members of the Church to recognize right from wrong. Read the Scriptures; listen to the teachings of your Church leaders. And listen, also, to the whisperings of that “still, small voice.” When it whispers “It’s wrong; don’t do it!” – say firmly, honestly, finally: “No, thank you – no!”

BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF"

Sidenote: Is it just us, or does anyone else looking at this picture think Dick should be less worried about the drink and more worried about why Jane and Bob are gazing into each others eyes? We're just sayin.

God be with you,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

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Girls Gone Mild: Duck Beach Mormon Style

This weekend hundreds of Mormon young single adults will be flocking to Duck Beach, North Carolina for spring break. This annual get away is seemingly a chance for LDS singles to find their eternal companions. We had never even heard of it until we read this article by McKay Coppins at the Daily Beast. Coppins calls it "...the most bizarre spring break on the planet," because there is no sex or alcohol.

Apparently the unwed LDS are feeling extra pressure this year because of President Monson's words on marriage at this past April's General Conference. What has this obscure Mormon spring break making headlines this year is that there is a documentary being filmed called Duck Beach A Single Mormon Story. The filmmakers are planning on capturing the mystery of a weekend "fraught with sexual tension." 

We sistas would like to give our peeps headed to NC this weekend some tips on how to stay SAFE & CHASTE.

1) Remember. Remember that there will be a camera crew there filming a documentary. Remember that people will be taking pictures and posting it on Facebook. Remember to not do anything that you wouldn't want us to find on YouTube and post on our blog, because yes, we are like that, we will post it.

2) Practice safe text. Those flirty text messages can get you all hot and bothered and into a whole heap of trouble. Here's what you do. Click on the contact button at the top of our site and send us an email with "Safe Text" in the subject line. We'll send you a phone number, where you can cc us on every text you send this weekend. Knowing that we will see everyone of your texts and post them on our Facebook wall in a hot second, should keep your texts clean and pure.

3) Chasity belt. Wear a fanny pack and keep your scriptures in them. Seriously, it's harder to be unchaste when you have to get through Second Nephi first.

4) No cohabitation. Remember when you were little and you had that sign on your bedroom door or your tree house that said "NO GIRLS/BOYS ALLOWED" bring it with you.

5) Eternal perspective. Remember you are there to find an eternal companion not eternal damnation.

6) Modest is the hottest. Keep your clothes on.

7) Have fun. The I'm going to Disney land kind of fun, not the I'm auditioning for MTV's Jersey Shore type of fun.

Got any other tips to keep our Duck Beach brothers and sisters SAFE & CHASTE?

Remember who you are,

Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

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Primary the Mormon TMZ

We have both had callings in Primary (LDS Children's Sunday school.) Every church calling allows you the opportunity to learn and grow. Here's a lesson we've learned through serving in Primary. If you are walking down the hall on a fine Sunday morning and somebody deliberately trips you causing you to fall on your face and break your nose. If you look up and the person that tripped you is your child's Primary teacher, just get up and keep walking. Don't even look em in the eye, you might even want to apologize to them.

Look, here's the thing...even if you are known in your ward as the Grinch who stole Sunday, have some sense and at least be nice to your ward's Primary leaders and teachers. You may think you know why we are offering this crucial piece of advice. It's not because they are the poor souls who take your kids off your hands for two hours on a Sunday. It's not because they are the ones entrusted with your most prized possessions each week. It's not even because Jesus said love everyone, treat them kindly too, when your heart is filled with love, others will love you.

The bottom line is this, be nice to the adults who serve in Primary because: THEY KNOW ALL YOUR BUSINESS! Yup, brothas and sistas, that's it. All of the information that you don't want to leave the house and all of the stuff that is supposed to stay in the family, forget about it, cause ya kids are spilling the beans in Primary. You may be thinking to yourself, not my children, my children are well trained, they know better than that. Nope, they don't.

You see it's not intentional, and it usually happens quite innocently. A poor unsuspecting Primary teacher could ask a question as simple as: Can anyone tell me of a time when you have prayed and received an answer to your prayer? The next thing you know your son raises his hand and says: Once my Dad forgot his and my Mom's anniversary and my Mom was really mad and was slamming all the doors in the house. The teacher at this point might try to keep the child on topic and say: So you prayed that your Mommy would feel better and she did. Then your son says: Nope. Then the teacher says: You prayed that your Dad wouldn't forget their anniversary next year. And your son says: No, I prayed that she wouldn't slam the doors anymore because it was making my ears hurt. And it worked because she went outside and ran over Dad's golf clubs instead, and that didn't hurt my ears.

A leader might ask, what did you do this past week? BAM! That's all the invitation your little bedlamite needs to explain how Daddy grounded her older brother for life because Mommy and Daddy had to go get him from the jail, and Mommy says he's irr-ray-possible and can't drive the car anymore.

TMZ, The National Enquirer, Google, they can all take a back seat, they can't get the scoop like these Primary reporters children can. Channel 8 news is probably lying when they say breaking news, we're bringing it to you first, cause chances are somebody in Primary told that headline weeks ago.

So now we are all on notice. The next time you see your ward's Primary presidency and teachers, smile, say hi, shake their hand, give em a peice of chocolate, some hush money, do something, cause brothas and sistas...THEY KNOW ALL YOUR BUSINESS!

Jesus is the reason,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

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Another Mormon Musical

You've most likely heard of the Broadway musical, The Book of Mormon, which raked in 14 Tony Award nominations. We haven't seen it, so we can't critique, but word on the streets is that Mormon or not, you either love it or hate it.

Mormons are sizzling HOT right now! (If you're Mormon and you know it clap your hands...but be careful you might burn yourself.) Barrington Stage Company is getting ready to present Mormons, Mothers and Monsters. That's right folks, its another musical comedy with Mormon in the title.

Popularity is a short ride. Like our good friend Heidi Klum says: "One day your in, the next day your out...Auf Wiedersehen." Who knows when Mormons will be back in style again, so we are thinking of producing a Mormon musical. Why shouldn't Latter-day Saints get in on the Mormon Broadway action? Here are a few ideas we've tossed around. We'd love your thoughts on our play concepts and of course any new ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Twin sisters fall in love with the same RM. Ultimatley, because Mormons do not practice poligamy, the young man is forced to choose. The jilted sister becomes green with envy (literally!) and resorts to various wicked deeds in hopes of keeping the happy couple from reaching their Temple wedding date. Is there a happily ever after in this Mormon fairytale?



Mary is an over zealous visiting teacher who can't keep a companion for the life of her. Further, she refuses to set appointments with the sisters she teaches and insits on surprise pop ins. This play is filled with delightful songs such as; Just a Spoon Full of Sugar Helps the Lesson Go Down, Mary Go Fly a Kite and SuperMormonFragalisticPleaseDontDressAtrocious.

Brother von Trapp a Mormon widower with a lot of kids, grabs a container of cherrios and takes his family to listen to  Music and the Spoken Word one Sunday morning. Amongst the hundreds of singers in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir one voice stands out to him...Maria's. Maria is a lovely sister who loves nature and is always running through the hills, causing her to be late to choir practice. The other members of the choir decide that the only way to solve a problem like Maria, is to get her married, and Brother von Trapp seems to be just the right man. Guest appearance by Lloyd Newell.

If you don't know this storyline, check it out here. The idea would be to somehow make each diary entry rhyme, and then set them to music.

See you at the Tonys!

Peace and Happiness,

Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

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Caption This!

We found this over at AkwardFamilyPhotos.com and we bet our bottom dollar they are Mormon. Ok peeps, caption this photo.

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Have I done any Good In His/Her World Today?

What did I do to help shape his/her world today? This is a question mothers and mother-figures often ask themselves. The discussion of motherhood seems to arouse strong emotions in us. We all come to the discussion with our own personal experience, yet one thing that we can all agree on is the relationship (or lack thereof) between a mother and a child is a vital part of helping to shape us. And how we see ourselves in the world.

The relationship with our mother often establishes a pattern of future relationships.Which is why many of us will sit in church today silently battling the internal conflict of the “Good” mother. As Sista LaKeysha (a safe name for us because there isn’t a LaKeysha in our wards...currently) stands up today and shares how wonderful her mother was. You’ve heard it before:

“I’m so grateful for my wonderful mother and the example she was to me growing up. Everyday when my 12 brothers and sisters and I came home from school, my mother had fresh baked cookies for us with a cup of freshly squeezed milk from our family cow Daisy. She got her Ph.D. from BYU in Early Childhood Education with a minor in Psychology, just so she could be of aide to her children when we needed her. I don’t know what I would have done without the love and support of my wonderful mother…"

C'mon Sistas, sit up a little higher in those seats. Please stop beating yourselves up because you weren’t like Sista LaKeysha’s mother. The person we make our mothers out to be in our adult minds are often very different from the mother we had as young children, and that person is different from the mother we had in our pre-teen and teen years. The point is, we should no more beat ourselves up over Sista LaKeysha’s experience than we should over Sista Becky’s. Whose story we may have heard as well:

“Hello, I’m Becky and I honestly don’t know why the Bishop asked me to speak today. Ummm, and I really don’t know why he asked me to speak right after Sista LaKeysha, because our lives couldn’t have been more different. Ummm, I really struggle with Mother's Day. I didn’t have the best mom growing up. My mother was emotionally and physically abusive. She had some addictions and we often went without because of her issues. She often left my two brothers and I in adverse situations that were beyond our control. If it weren’t for the mercy of strangers our lives may have turned out completely different. My number one goal was to be completely different then she was, and I am…!"

Okay, that was a bit dramatic. However, just as you shouldn’t celebrate not being like Sista Becky’s mother, you shouldn’t beat yourself up for not being like Sista LaKeysha’s mother. As we start down the rocky path of motherhood most of us have no idea what is going to be asked of us in the process of parenting another one of God’s children. Even when we start that journey with the best of intentions, the entire process holds countless surprises. Some women can’t wait to be mothers and then realize too late they probably should have waited. Some women wait then realize they could have started earlier (we don’t know that person, but one of you might). The reality is being a mother offers up multiple opportunities for helping or hindering our children toward adulthood.

As mothers we have many truths (not really, but we believe them to be true). When children behave inappropriately (in public), it’s the mother’s fault. When children are well behaved, it’s because they were brought up “right”. Because of the widespread tendency within our culture to blame the mother, it's common for those of us who have braved the rapid waves of mothering to live with haunting questions about what we did or did not do in shaping our children's lives. "Mother's guilt" is a common ailment, especially among LDS Women. Whether you have mild, infrequent discomfort or full anxiety attacks, very few women (even those who don’t have children) escape “Mother's guilt.”

The truth is, motherhood (womanhood) is difficult. For some, the demands of both are met with ease; for others, the demands are simply too much. We are the bridge between generations. It is wise for us to try to remember and be merciful towards those who have and still stumble as they continue trying to establish a foundation on motherhood. Also, we should celebrate with our sistas who seemingly have it figured out as they soar beyond the limitations we may have set for ourselves.

Today it is wise to remember the women who have influenced our lives with some justice (Lest we deceive ourselves, setting standards that would make even Mary the mother of Jesus feel inadequate), but mostly mercy. Because we are all simply doing the best we can with what we've been given. As our MoDea (Mormon Madea) says “When you know better, you do better.” Here is to wishing us all better days ahead.

Happy Mothers Day,
Sista Beehive and Sista Laurel

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That Ain't Right!

Once we were visiting a Baptist church with some friends. The Pastor was giving a sermon on…well we aren’t exactly sure. At some point he began a tangent we like to call "That ain't right."

It went a little something like this: If yo Priest lives in the big house and ya parishioners live in the po house, that ain't right! If the Reverend has a chef, and the congregation eats whatever's left, that ain't right! If ma Minister got a real nice suit, and all the church folk got holes in they shoes, that ain't right!

Then he looked right over at us and said, if the Bishop got a BMW spinnin' on dubs (fancy rims) and the members drive a Pinto that needs a jump start and a shove, THAT AIN'T RIGHT! Whaaat! We looked at each other, we looked at the Pastor, was he for real trying to call us out for being Mormon in front of the entire congregation.

Another time at a different church the Reverend was inviting people to come up to be prayed for. When no one was coming up on their own the Reverend decided to call for those who needed prayers.

It went a little something like this: This young sister right here is 20 years old has three kids, two baby daddies and a one baby on the way, let us pray for her. Church this brother came into my office and said Reverend, I have transgressed. Church do you remember that he has been in AA? Well he has not been attending his meetings and just this morning he had a sip. Let us pray.

This got us thinking how glad we are that the LDS church does not have a portion of Sacrament meeting where we can share other peoples business or call people out. Can you even imagine it! You know that sister or brother in your ward that gets up every Fast and Testimony Meeting and tells all their business and we're all thinking TMI, TMI, TMI! Well imagine if they could tell yo business.

It would probably go a little something like this: I just wanted to take this opportunity to share my testimony. I'm grateful for the Word of Wisdom and how it has been a protection to me and my family, let me be the first to admit that I struggle with the need to drink a diet coke occasionally, but it is nothing compared to the trials that Brother Brown and his family have to deal with because of his addiction to alcohol.

I promised myself I wasn't going to do this, (as she starts to do the Relief Society fan and cry) but I'm so grateful for Sister Leak, she is such an example to me of the type of mother I'd like to be to my children. I mean, she makes it look so easy raising all those children alone. I don't think I would be strong enough to send my children to their fathers (plural) homes knowing that they were being taught things there that are contrary to what we believe. But she has faith that things are going to work out and that Heavenly Father is aware of their needs and she has been right so far. She is such an amazing example of a woman of faith. I know that if I can learn to have faith like her, that Heavenly Father will remember and not forget me.

Brothers and Sisters, as Bishop, I am shocked at the long pauses between testimonies. There are many of you here who have had your testimonies strengthened just this week. For instance you there Sister Jones, the Lord has blessed you, the DNA test could have gone the other way, but it did not. You and Brother Jones are now blessed with a family. Come up and testify of how God answers fervent prayers.

Let's all take a deep breath and on the count of three say it together...1-2-3, That Ain't Right!!! Like our Aunty use to say, "If the Lord ain't talking about it, neither should you!"

God is Great,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

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J. Golden Kimball, A Very Funny Mormon

Our non-LDS readers may not know this, but LDS Church leaders are actually known to have keen senses of humor. One of the funniest in our opinion is J. Golden Kimball. There are many funny stories and quotes attributed to him and we don't know which stories are 100% accurate and which are Mormon folklore but we do know they are hilarious, here are a few:

There was to be an impressive tour given to some dignitaries from other lands. J. Golden Kimball was assigned to the tour as a guide. They first took a bus trip to the important historical sites in and around Salt Lake City. Brother Kimball would constantly remind the visitors how fast buildings were put up by the industrious Mormons. Every time he would say so, one of the dignitaries on the tour would say, "Oh, is that right? In our country we could do it in half the time." J. Golden began to get madder and madder as the dignitary persisted to offer such comments. The tour was to end by having the bus drive around Temple Square. Then this dignitary asked, "What is that building there?" as he pointed at the Temple. "Damned if I know," said J. Golden. "It wasn't there yesterday." (http://wabei4.tripod.com/kimball/golden02.htm)

The story is told that someone stopped Elder J. Golden Kimball on the street on one occasion. There had been a little difficulty in Elder Kimball's family that had become publicly known, and whoever it was who stopped him, no doubt with a mind to injure, said, ' Brother Kimball, I understand you're having some problems with one of your children.' His answer was, ' Yes, and the Lord is having some problems with some of his, too.' (http://wabei4.tripod.com/kimball/golden12.htm)

President Grant sent a note to Golden. The note read that there was a member of the stake presidency from Coalville, who had passed away. His wife had requested Golden speak at the funeral. Golden didn’t get the note until he returned from a Church assignment in Southern California. By then the funeral was in an hour, and Coalville was almost two hours away He hopped in his Model T and drove as fast as he could. When he arrived, the funeral was almost over. The bishop saw Golden walk in. "Brother Kimball, come forward. We’d like to hear from you."

He went up and said, "I’m very happy to be here. I’m sorry I’m late. I want to tell you what a wonderful person this man was. I knew him, I’ve stayed in his home. He was an inspiration to me. He was a good father, he was a good husband. He goes to a great reward." As he started to hit his stride, he looked out in the audience. About the eighth row back, there sat the man he thought was dead! So he looked down in the casket. He did not recognize the man lying there. Confused, he turned and said, "Say Bishop, who the hell’s dead around here anyway?" (http://wabei4.tripod.com/kimball/golden14.htm)

Be Blessed and Highly Favored,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

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Diary of a Mad Black Mormon

Dear Diary, today I was chased in an LDS Temple. It startled me because the temple is a very reverent place where people aren't usually speed walking. I didn't recognize the woman at all, so I picked up my pace and I tried to get to where I was going as fast as I could. When the out of breath woman finally caught up to me she said, "How do you say welcome in Ghana?" You know that song, I Stand All Amazed...well I was standing there...in the temple... looking at her... all kinds of amazed! "I don't know," I finally said. She started telling me a story about somebody in her family, who is or was going on a mission to Africa, I'm not really sure because I was too stunned to process correctly. What made this probably nice and usually sane lady ask me that?

Dear Diary, today I attended an LDS singles ward dance. I was doing my thang and having a great time when this overly confident young man approached me and asked me to dance. While we were dancing he said, "You know why I asked you to dance?" "Because I'm one of the few girls here with rhythm," I said. "No," he said "I want to touch your hair." Now, I know that Mormon guys can be awkward, but this dude was way past that. "Excuse me," I said. "Oh no, it's cool," he said "One of my mission companions was black and he had the coolest hair, I use to rub his head all the time, but I've never touched a black girls hair, and I..." That’s all I heard, as I was walking away.

Dear Diary, today I was at the swimming pool and this man kept staring at me. Finally he came over to me and said "Where are you from?" I named a city and state, but then he said, "No, I mean where are your people from?" "Oh," I said and then told him the state my people were from. "No, I mean before that," he said. Now I was getting frustrated so I said, "Before that they were probably on somebody’s plantation, and before that they were on a boat, before that they were probably somewhere in Africa, before that the pre-existence, look what's it to you.” You’re from Nigeria,” he said, “I served my mission there, and you look just like the people there." He was grinning from ear to ear, and I was picturing myself pushing him into the pool.

Dear Diary, today I attended General Conference at the Conference Center with my family. An older couple walked up to us and the wife said, "Can I please give you a hug?" Before I could answer she wrapped her arms around me and started crying. She then began hugging each of my family members in turn. We were very scared and hoped some of the men walking around in black suits were secret service agents. Her husband said that they had just returned home from serving as senior missionaries in St. Louis. They had served in the poor areas and seeing our family had caused them to be overcome with great joy because we reminded them of the people in St. Louis who they had come to know and love.

Brothas and Sistas, we aren’t really mad, and we know that people from all cultures have experiences like these with missionaries who have served in their neck of the woods. Usually after the initial shock and embarrassment wear off, we get a really good kick out of it. We were just wondering is there a class they could teach in the MTC (Missionary Training Center) that would cover what not to do, say or ask people who look like they could be from where you served your mission…lol!

Have a blessed day,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

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Caption This!

If this were a MORMONAD what would the caption be?

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Stake Dance Wars

I attended a very diverse LDS stake where I was called to work with the youth. Our stake was diverse in age, racially, culturally, economically, socially, you name it. Many blessings come from being surrounded by people who are different from you, yet all having common ground as brothas and sistas in the Gospel.

Minus the out-of-whack hormones, I enjoy working with the youth. However, there is one youth activity that can get a little crazy when working with a diverse group...a stake dance. Somehow I always find myself on music duty, which means sitting next to the DJ, keeping the girls from flirting with him and maintaining the requests list. If you think that sounds easy, you don't know how wrong you are.

First issue, age, there could be a ninety year old sister serving punch and cookies and the youngest teens at an LDS dance are usually fourteen. What happens is: dear sweet Sister 1920's shuffles over to let me know that she finds the music too loud. Then Brother So-and-so wants me to translate every rap song because he can't understand what they're saying. Another sister comes by and asks that we try not to play so much rock music, it makes the boys jump in to each other and it's dangerous.

Then there are the kids. The black kids inform me they came to the dance to get crunk (have a good time), but they can’t because the music is whack (bad). The DJ plays a hip-hop track. The Hispanic kids stop by to let me know that they want to really dance, and you can't really dance to what the DJ is playing, please, please, play some Bachata (a form of music and dance that originated in the Dominican Republic). The DJ obliges.

Some of the Asian kids want to get a break dance battle going, so could the DJ hit’em with a tight (cool, hip, amazing) beat. The Polynesian kids would like to chill (hang out, relax) to something mellow. The DJ plays a little something-something with ukulele in it. A group of white kids come over, like (a word spoken in between each word in a sentence, usually used by teenage girls) do you like have any like High School Musical.

By now the DJ officially thinks Mormons are crazy (there goes any chance of converting this dude) and he can't wait to get out of here. Play some Beach Boys and the leaders are on the dance floor, but the kids are a united front and clearly on strike. The girls say there are not enough slow dances the boys say there are way too many.

It’s the end of the night, there are no satisfied customers. I tell the DJ to put a Michael Jackson song on. The dance floor fills up. Leaders know his music; the kids are poppin’ n lockin’ (urban dance style associated with breakdancing). Finally everyone is happy. Brother so-and-so is boogieing this way (what now, he can’t possibly need me to translate Michael Jackson). In between his spazmatic dance moves, he tells me that he likes Jackson 5, but The Osmonds are better.

Now I’ve had it, the DJ announces last song and asks me what he should play. Everyone seems to be pretty happy with Michael Jackson, so I figure we stick with Michael and end the night on an up swing. “How about "Beat It",” I say. Here’s to hoping they all get the hint. ;-)

God is Good,
Sista Laurel

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A Different Kind of Saint

Being a convert to the LDS faith, I am very blessed to have had the opportunity to develop a love for His word. While I have a firm testimony in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I really enjoy going back to my family church, the Pentecostal church, to listen to the preachers and to allow the music to fill my soul and testify to my spirit. I love gospel music and one of my favorite artists is Ms. CeCe Winans. One of her songs "Alabaster Box" is a story that I think many of us can relate to:

"The room grew still

As she made her way to Jesus

She stumbles through the tears that made her blind

She felt such pain

Some spoke in anger

Heard folks whisper

There's no place here for her kind

Still on she came

Through the shame that flushed her face

Until at last, she knelt before his feet

And though she spoke no words

Everything she said was heard

As she poured her love for the Master

From her box of alabaster"

As a teenager I was given a beautiful cross necklace by one of my relatives. I had no idea that wearing it to the LDS church would create such a frenzy. The reaction that I received from other members especially the adults was very hurtful, and if I didn't have a steadfast testimony in the Gospel, I might have left the church. I couldn't understand why they continued to tell me "We don't wear crosses." Who was "we?" And why don't "we" wear crosses? Umm, when I got baptized that wasn't one of the things that the missionaries said we couldn't do.

For those members who have a long family history in the Church, who come from what some members like to call “Pioneer stock” it must be difficult to deal with converts that march to the beat of their own drum. Yet, still manage to stay in rhythm with the rest of the saints. Does it really matter if some people take the Sacrament with their left hand?

"And I've come to pour

My praise on Him

Like oil from Mary's alabaster box

Don't be angry if I wash his feet with my tears

And I dry them with my hair

You weren't there the night He found me

You did not feel what I felt

When he wrapped his love all around me and

You don't know the cost of the oil

In my alabaster box"

We all at some point find ourselves searching for His image in our countenance. A few years ago, I was wandering through a store in an area with a predominantly white demographic, and noticed a picture of Jesus Christ. It was an image of Jesus portrayed as a black man. I grabbed the picture and found myself in the longest line ever. Being short on time I put the picture back with the intention of returning for it when I had more time.

When I returned I found that all of the copies of that particular image were gone. I inquired as to how I could order a copy of the image only to have the sales clerk disappear to the back room and return with a copy. I inquired about why the picture was in the back and was told that the image of Christ was offensive to some of the customers so they were told to pull it.

It doesn’t shock me that white people tend to gravitate toward images of Christ that favor them, just as people of color may gravitate to the images of Him that look the most like them. We all want to feel that we were indeed created in His image.

"I can't forget the way life used to be

I was a prisoner to the sin that had me bound

And I spent my days

Poured my life without measure

Into a little treasure box

I'd thought I'd found

Until the day when Jesus came to me

And healed my soul

With the wonder of His touch

So now I'm giving back to Him

All the praise He's worthy of

I've been forgiven

And that's why

I love Him so much"

The message is: My relationship with the Savior is personal. The way I choose to worship and show gratitude for what the Savior has done for me may be different than what you were taught, but that doesn't place less value on me in the eyes of my Savior, does it? I'm really grateful that as a youth I was taught in a church that encouraged and pushed me to figure out for myself the type of relationship that I wanted to have with God, Jesus Christ and my earthly brothas and sistas.

I'm happy for the example of the Brethren and the way they LOVE people. All people. They seem to embrace the people and the cultures they come in contact with. I've even witnessed them singing and clapping along while they listen to a gospel song, Negro spiritual, or giving an Amen, and I often wonder...what is it that they know that the rest of us don't.

"You don't know the cost of the oil in my Alabaster Box"

Your Sista in the Gospel,
Sista Beehive

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Can Mormons Dance?

We get this question a lot from some of our non-LDS readers, CAN MORMONS DANCE? If you are asking if we are allowed to dance, the answer is YES, and LDS youth are given specific guidelines about dancing. If you are asking do Mormons know how to dance? Do we have rhythm? Are we capable of dancing? The answer is, all Mormons are not created equally. We can only speak for ourselves, Oh Heaven yeah! WE can dance, but we can't speak for all of our brothas and sistas, we'll let you judge for yourselves.



God is Love,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

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Lions and Tigers and Bedlamites, Oh My!

First things first, we can’t say enough about how wonderful April 2011 General Conference was this past weekend, we felt saved, sanctified and Holy Ghost filled! Now let’s get to Elder Jeffrey R. Holland! When Elder Holland made that hilarous remark about trying to hold Family Home Evening inspite of the bedlam in a house reigned by little "bedlamlites," he had us rolling (urban translation, rolling: laughing extremely hard). The word Bedlamites is definitely getting added to the Mormon dictionary, right next to Nephites and Lamanites.

Bedlamites will now be the beloved word used to reference rambunctious children; it will be the loving way Primary teachers refer to their unruly pupils. Sunbeams and Bedlamites will probably now be interchangeable. We can see the t-shirts that Desert Book will start selling; “My Bedlamite is cuter than your Bedlamite,” “Lions and Tigers and Bedlamites, Oh My!” “Todays’ Bedlamite’s are tomorrow’s Stripling Warriors.”

Now, when we looked up bedlamite on Dictionary.com, (we were checking to see if the Church had copyrighted it yet, LDS folk get things done quick, fast and in a hurry) it said, and we quote “Bedlamite: an insane person; lunatic.” Yup, Elder Holland just politely called ya kids crazy!

Is there anyone out there who knows the art of politely telling it like it is better than the Mormons do? If you aren’t LDS and a young man was to tell you that you’re daughter has a sweet spirit, you would probably be so flattered. Well don’t be, cause that means that boy thinks her personality is nice and all, but he’s not really feelin' her in the looks department. I know you can’t believe it, but that is what that sugar-coated comment actually means.

ESPN writer, Rick Reilly recently wrote an article about Jimmer Fredette that some Mormons were upset about, this is what Rick had to say about the hate mail: “The best hate mail in America comes from BYU fans. Even when they're spitting 20-penny nails, they're still incurably nice. Alabama fans will write hoping you die a slow, painful death, staked to an anthill while your mom watches, but the worst a BYU fan will say to you is that you're not going to heaven.”

That’s how we roll. We LDS like to L-D-S (Let’em Down Sensitively). Rick Reilly, take a lesson from the Mormons next time you’re talking about Jimmer’s fans say something like, "I can’t believe all the Bedlam those BYU Bedlamites are causing", it may go over a little better. On the real, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's talk was excellent, you can catch it here. And just in case some of you still don’t believe us about the phrase “sweet spirit,” here’s the lyrics to the song “Sweet Spirit” by Sons of Provo.

God Bless,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

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We Meet Again As Sistas and a Few Brothas

Guess whos back? Back again, Sistas back, tell yo friends!!

We Meet Again As Sisters

pg. 311

1. We meet again as sisters, On this the Sabbath day, To worship God together, To testify and pray. Now may the Holy Spirit, Descending like a dove, Enlarge our minds with knowledge, And fill our hearts with love.

2. We meet to plan our service, To neighbors now in need. May charity and kindness, Inspire our ev’ry deed. And as we use our talents, For good and noble ends, May God be our companion, And angels be our friends.

3. We meet to sing together, The praises of our Lord, To seek our exaltation, According to his word. To ev’ry gospel blessing, The Lord has turned the key, That we, with heav’nly parents, May sing eternally.

We have missed you all so much!!!

Do you have any questions for the Sista's? What topics would you like to see us address?

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